


isn’t it weird to be so mean?

by blueprincessbee



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, F/F, Post-Episode: s04e08-09 Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead, Post-Library, Post-Library River Song, Space Wives, river’s angry at the doctor and says something a bit too mean, this is definitely not me projecting my own anger about how reversible river’s death is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:07:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25542604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueprincessbee/pseuds/blueprincessbee
Summary: The Doctor left her like a book on a shelf, and she’s not too happy about it.
Relationships: The Doctor/River Song, Thirteenth Doctor/River Song
Kudos: 67





	isn’t it weird to be so mean?

**Author's Note:**

> my inspiration for this was “don’t think about river saying something really mean to thirteen and thirteen looking dejected”  
> title is from monster by dodie

The TARDIS was too big and too empty without the fam. The Doctor had dropped them off in Sheffield for a break. They needed to see their family and friends, after all.

She was fiddling with the console absentmindedly, not really thinking about what she was doing, when a loud beeping filled the room.

“What?” She quickly checked to make sure she hadn’t done anything she shouldn’t have done. “What’s wrong?”

The TARDIS didn’t respond, and the beeping persisted. She noticed there were coordinates set, and she was almost certain she hadn’t set them.

“You want me to go somewhere?” Her human friends always thought it was weird for her to speak to her ship. “Okay.” She pulled down the lever without changing anything and they set off, landing quickly and unusually smoothly. That meant they were going somewhere the TARDIS liked.

The scanner told the Doctor they had landed on the moon in the 52nd century. She felt an uneasy feeling in her stomach. She had avoided the 52nd century altogether since Darillium.

Stepping out of the TARDIS, she immediately realised they were on the campus of the Luna University, right outside River’s house. It looked exactly how she remembered, as if no time had passed. Of course, that could be true. They could have landed when River had only just left. The Doctor let memories of the house and of River consume her for a moment. Why had the TARDIS brought her here?

Then the door opened and River stood there, wild and beautiful and alive. The Doctor just stared at her for a moment, unable to form a sentence or even a coherent thought, while a little subconscious voice in her brain told her that she had to leave, her time with River was up, and she couldn’t mess with their timelines.

“Doctor.” River’s voice was void of all emotion. The Doctor couldn’t tell what she was thinking, but she definitely wasn’t surprised to see the Doctor there. “Come in.”

The Doctor tried not to think too hard about consequences as she willed her legs to move and take her indoors. River shut the door after her and followed her into the lounge.

The Doctor finally managed to speak. “River. How— how are you here?”

“I live here, sweetie,” she said, still in that unidentifiable tone.

“But—“ the Doctor began, but got cut off.

“I got out of the library.”

The Doctor hadn’t even been daring to hope, but now her hearts leapt with joy. _She got out of the library._

Before the Doctor had a chance to speak, River added. “By myself.”

Now the reason behind her tone was becoming clear, the Doctor rushed to explain herself. “I tried. I spent so long figuring out how to get you out, but I could never find a way. How did you do it?”

“You mean you didn’t once think about how Donna and the other thousands of people got back to their bodies?” River’s voice was starting to raise and shake a little. She was angry.

“I—“

“It was easy, Doctor!” River shouted. “It was easy from the outside.”

“But the Vashta Nerada—“

River got her voice back under control, only this time she made no attempt to mask her anger. And with River, controlled anger was always worse. “You wouldn’t have even had to leave the TARDIS.”

“I didn’t know,” the Doctor pleaded. “I’m sorry for leaving you there, I really am, but you put too much trust in me. I don’t know everything.”

River scoffed. “So it’s my fault now?”

“No! Of course it isn’t. I’m sorry.”

“I would rather have died than be left in there, Doctor. I thought you knew me well enough to know that.”

“I was young. I didn’t know you. Not then.”

“You gave me that screwdriver as a Christmas present when we first arrived on Darillium. Don’t think I’ve forgotten. You knew me then. Or I thought you did.”

“But I couldn’t change what I’d already done. You know that.”

“Time can be rewritten,” River said, crossing her arms. “Whether you’d saved me or not wouldn’t have affected our timelines.”

“You can’t know that,” the Doctor said quietly, all the guilt she had been harbouring for years about River’s end bubbling to the surface and stabbing at her insides. “You’re here now.”

“No thanks to you.”

The Doctor stared at the carpet. “I’m sorry,” she said again.

“Was it just too hard?” River said. “Too complicated? You had to get rid of me at some point like you do everyone else?”

The Doctor’s head snapped up. “Get rid of you?” she said weakly. She couldn’t believe River would say something like that. “I never want to get rid of anyone. Is that what you think?”

She felt sick. Lives flashed before her eyes. Her friends. Her family. Bill. Clara. Amy. Rory. Donna. Martha. Rose. She never wanted rid of any of them. She knew they wouldn’t be with her forever, yes, but she didn’t _want_ them gone.

She felt her eyes burning and turned her head away. She didn’t want River to see her cry.

River stared at the back of the Doctor’s head. She had wanted to make her feel bad, but now she just felt guilty.

That wasn’t what she thought. Not really. But it was what she had said. Part of her brain told her the Doctor deserved it. She had left her there, so of course she was going to think she wanted to get rid of her. And the other part told her she had been too harsh, the Doctor wasn’t perfect and didn’t always have the solutions.

She took a deep breath and stepped closer to the Doctor. She wasn’t going to apologise. She had the right to be angry, even if it wasn’t entirely the Doctor’s fault.

“Doctor,” she said, her voice softer now. She gently placed a hand on the Doctor’s shoulder, but she didn’t react. “Doctor.”

The Doctor slowly turned back around to face her. Her eyes were red and glistening. “I’m sorry, River,” she repeated.

“Are you? Really?” River made sure her voice was free of all malice, but she needed to be sure.

“Yes,” the Doctor said earnestly. “I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have left you there. It was stupid of me. I was stupid.”

River held eye contact with her. “Do you still want me as your wife?”

The one thing River had never been sure of was whether the Doctor really loved her. And she had no idea how long it had been for the Doctor, she could easily have moved on. Maybe it was that particular insecurity that was behind her anger.

“Of course I do.”

River breathed a sigh of relief, and smiled shakily. She studied the Doctor’s eyes, they were so new and yet so familiar.

The Doctor took a step back and looked at the floor again, fiddling with the sleeves of her coat.

“Do you really think I want to get rid of everyone?”

“No. I was just angry.” The Doctor knew she had a tendency to let anger control her.

“Are you still angry?”

“I don’t think so.” She sighed. “Are you okay?

“Are _you_ okay?” Typical Doctor, avoiding the question.

River opened the hidden safe in the wall and retrieved her holster, strapping it around her thigh. Two could play at that game. “Are we going anywhere nice, sweetie?”

“What? Oh… I’m sure we can find somewhere.” Apparently the Doctor found watching her put on a thigh holster distracting. Or she was thinking about something else entirely, River couldn’t tell. “Is the gun really necessary?”

River pulled her blaster from the safe and put it in the holster, locking the safe once she was finished with it.

She smirked at the Doctor. “Of course.”

The Doctor rolled her eyes and barely concealed a smile. Maybe they would be okay, River thought. Maybe they would live happily ever after. They just needed time.

**Author's Note:**

> for some reason i’ve always imagined luna university having housing for the staff like the university of ibadan where my grandma was a professor. so that’s why river’s living on campus if you were wondering. thanks for reading :)


End file.
